my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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