Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
