he shaved USA in his pubs
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
