So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
