Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
