Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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