Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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