How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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