You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
