The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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