so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
