Christians are straight up FREAKS
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
