Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
