If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
