Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have tasted many bathrooms
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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