Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
