I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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