Please, let me fuck your mom
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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