he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
