Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
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