Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
