apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
