I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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