note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
