if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize