If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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