im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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