I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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