My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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