Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
