My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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