fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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