And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
