things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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