the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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