so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
