Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
