Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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