your parents love me but you hate me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
