she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
