so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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