nut hugger
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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