Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
