It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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