i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
