apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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