Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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