I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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