Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I can feel your judgement through the phone