im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"