If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.