okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.