basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.