he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
