last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
