Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
