Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
