Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
