Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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