the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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