I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
