Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
