stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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