Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
