wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
