I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
