Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
the liver wants what the liver wants
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
