My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize