Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
false alarm, still single
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