Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
