We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
