but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
