I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
