So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
